Category: Production Diary

Great films are made in the editing room, where the director sits with an editor and decides what the audience will never see. At Furlough Film Studio the editing room is also the cupboard, which makes decisions faster and the lighting worse. Here are seven scenes that did not make the cut.

Scene one: The long stare at the wall

In this scene, our lead looks at a wall for eleven minutes. It was cut because the wall gave a better performance than the actor. The wall has asked for a credit.

Scene two: The chase

A chase sequence in which a cat pursues a moth across the sofa. It was cut because the moth was the better athlete, and because the cat gave up after four seconds and sat down for what felt like the rest of the film.

Scene three: The confrontation

Two cats square up in the hallway, tails fluffed, eyes narrowed. After a tense minute they both walk away in opposite directions. It was cut because it was too realistic.

Scene four: The dream sequence

A sequence in which our lead dreams of flying over a vast landscape of cushions. It was cut because the dream was longer than the film.

Scene five: The monologue

Orson wrote a three page monologue about the nature of comfort. It was cut when the only actor available fell asleep on the third line.

Scene six: The kiss

A romantic moment between two cats ended in a fight over a blanket. It was cut because it was too romantic.

Scene seven: The credits

The original credits ran for forty minutes and listed every cat who had ever walked past the set. They were cut for time, and because Biscuit noticed that his name was misspelled.

What remains

After all the cuts, the film runs to three hours and forty minutes. We think it is still too long. We think it is also too short. The editing room cat, a grey tabby named Splice, has declared the film “finished for now.”

Lessons

Editing teaches us that the most important thing is not what you include but what you leave out. In our case, this was nearly everything, and the result is a masterpiece of absence.

Furlough Film Studio is a fictional company, and none of these scenes were filmed, although we would have loved to see them.

Furlough Film Studio’s premiere nights are among the most important events on the calendar. They are also among the least understood, and we receive many questions. Here are the answers.

What time does the premiere begin?

The doors open at 7 PM. The film begins when everyone has found a seat and then moved. In practice, this means 8:40.

Is there a red carpet?

Yes. It is a red blanket laid across the corridor, and it is warm, soft and extremely popular. Arrivals are encouraged to walk down it slowly, kneading as they go. Any guest who sits down on the red carpet will be photographed, and will be the only photograph used.

What should I wear?

Anything. We encourage formal wear, but we also encourage nudity. Fur is perfectly acceptable at all times and is, in fact, the dress code.

Where do I sit?

The seating plan is as follows.

• The front row is reserved for cats who sit close to the screen and then complain about the glare
• The middle rows are for cats who want a good view and a good snooze
• The back row is for cats who intend to leave early
• The sofa at the side is for the director, and for whoever arrived first

Will there be snacks?

There will be snacks. They will be fish, mostly, with a few biscuits for the dogs. There will also be popcorn, which is for throwing.

Can I bring a guest?

You may bring one guest. If your guest is a dog, you must also bring an apology.

How long is the film?

Three hours, forty minutes, with an intermission. There is no interval between the intermission and the nap that follows.

What is the film about?

The film is about a cat on a sofa. It is a story of loss, love, and the slow passage of the sun across a cushion. It is very moving, especially at the end, when the cat moves.

Will there be a Q and A?

Yes, immediately after the screening. The director will answer questions from the audience, in the form of a slow blink. If you have a question, raise a paw. If you have an answer, please do not.

What if I do not like the film?

Please do not tell us. Please tell the critic, Mr. Hiss, who will agree with you.

Furlough Film Studio is a fictional company. This premiere is imaginary, and you are very welcome to attend.

One of the most memorable scenes in our film Curtain Call was the Great Curtain Climb, a dramatic ascent filmed in a single take by a stunt cat known only as Zig. This is the story of how it was done.

Preparation

Stunt work begins with safety. Our stunt coordinator, a one eyed Siamese named Captain Zoomer, inspected the curtain, the rail, and the floor beneath. He found the curtain to be heavy, the rail to be loose, and the floor to be underneath. He signed off at once.

The rig

We did not use wires, because we did not have any. We used the following equipment instead:

• A large cushion at the base of the curtain, in case of a fall
• A smaller cushion at the base of the large cushion, in case of a fall from the large cushion
• A tin of fish held at the top by a crew member on a stool, as motivation
• A blanket draped over the rail, to prevent the curtain from collapsing before the end of the take

The technique

Zig began on the floor, looked up and froze for eleven seconds. This was not planned, but it looked excellent on camera. He then jumped onto the curtain with all four paws and began to climb, stopping every third step to ask himself what he was doing.

At the halfway point, the curtain began to sway. Zig reacted instantly by climbing faster. This increased the sway. He reacted by climbing faster still. The camera crew, led by Gaffer Gary, applauded.

The summit

Zig reached the top of the curtain after thirty seconds. He sat on the rail, surveyed the room, and gave a small, victorious meow. There was only one problem: he had not planned how to get down.

The descent

The descent was less glamorous. Zig clung to the curtain and slid downwards, in a long, loud, ripping motion, and landed on the cushion. He stood up. He licked a paw. He walked off set as though nothing had happened.

Aftermath

The curtain was removed from the set and is now on display in our lobby, labelled “Historic Damage.” Zig has retired from stunt work and now teaches climbing at the local nursery, where he is described as an inspiration and a risk.

Safety notice

No viewer should attempt a curtain climb at home. If you do, please be aware that the curtain will not forgive you, and nor will the person who owns it.

Furlough Film Studio is a fictional company. This account is invented, though the curtain is based on a real one that lost.

Furlough Film Studio is pleased to announce an open casting call for the lead role in our upcoming production, The Warm Patch. Auditions will be held on the sofa, at an hour of the actor’s choosing.

The role

The lead is a cat who lies on a warm patch of carpet for the entire length of the film. The character has no name, no motive and no lines. He is described in the script as “a cat in a state of being.” The ideal actor will bring depth, vulnerability and a very low heart rate.

Requirements

• Must be able to lie down for extended periods
• Must be willing to be filmed from below
• Must not react to the sound of a tin opening, unless required by the scene
• Must have a good side, and a second side, in case the first falls asleep
• Must be comfortable with being watched, ignored or both

Preferred qualities

We are keen to hear from actors with experience in staring out of windows, sulking after a bath, or sitting on a newspaper while a human tries to read it. These skills are highly transferable.

What we do not want

Please do not apply if you are prone to sudden dashing around at three in the morning, as this would require a stunt double, and we have already used our budget for the cushion. Applicants who scratch the set will be thanked and ushered out.

The audition process

Each applicant will be invited to enter the room, walk slowly to the centre, turn around three times, and lie down. Our panel will then observe the applicant for between twenty minutes and four hours. The panel will not speak. The applicant will not speak. At the end, the panel will go to sleep, and the applicant will be notified of the outcome by whichever party wakes up first.

Compensation

The role pays one tin of premium fish per day, a spot on the sunniest cushion, and the right to make one request of the catering department, subject to availability.

How to apply

Send a photograph of yourself lying down, along with a short statement describing why you wish to appear in the film. Statements should be no more than one sentence long. Longer statements will not be read.

Furlough Film Studio is a fictional company and this casting call is a parody. No roles are available, although the warm patch is very real.

Every film starts with an idea. Ours began with a cushion. This is the story of how our board came to approve The Long Nap, a three hour epic in which a cat falls asleep on a sofa and wakes up in a slightly different position.

The room

The meeting was held in the Boardroom, which is also the Sofa. Present were our founder and director Orson Whiskerton, a stately tabby with an air of tired genius; producer Fluffy Coppola, a cream Persian who asks few questions and eats the answers; and Gaffer Gary, a black cat in charge of the sunbeam, who attended from the windowsill.

The pitch

Orson began by laying out his vision. “The film opens on a sofa,” he said. “Nothing happens for ten minutes. Then a cat arrives. The cat turns around three times. The cat lies down. We hold on the cat for the next two hours and forty minutes.”

There was a long silence. It was the silence of a room full of professionals who had seen something very similar before and wanted to see it again.

Objections

Fluffy Coppola raised several concerns.

• Would there be a plot? Orson said the plot was the sofa.
• Would there be a villain? Orson said the villain was the vacuum cleaner, which would appear in a single frame near the end and be hissed at.
• Would there be a love story? Orson said the love story was between the cat and the warm patch.
• Would there be a soundtrack? Orson said there would be purring, mixed at seventy decibels.

The vote

The motion to approve was carried by a majority of two to nothing, with one abstention from Gaffer Gary, who had gone to sleep during the second hour of the vote.

Budget

The film was budgeted at twelve tins of fish and a decent cushion. The cushion was eventually supplied by the director himself, who has stated that he will not be paid and will not be moved.

Why we believe in it

The Long Nap is not a story about sleep. It is a story about what happens when we stop trying to do anything at all. We believe audiences everywhere, and especially those of the cat variety, will understand it instinctively.

Furlough Film Studio is a fictional production company shooting entirely from the sofa. No actual films are produced and no actual cushions were harmed in the making of this meeting.