Tag: premiere

Furlough Film Studio’s premiere nights are among the most important events on the calendar. They are also among the least understood, and we receive many questions. Here are the answers.

What time does the premiere begin?

The doors open at 7 PM. The film begins when everyone has found a seat and then moved. In practice, this means 8:40.

Is there a red carpet?

Yes. It is a red blanket laid across the corridor, and it is warm, soft and extremely popular. Arrivals are encouraged to walk down it slowly, kneading as they go. Any guest who sits down on the red carpet will be photographed, and will be the only photograph used.

What should I wear?

Anything. We encourage formal wear, but we also encourage nudity. Fur is perfectly acceptable at all times and is, in fact, the dress code.

Where do I sit?

The seating plan is as follows.

• The front row is reserved for cats who sit close to the screen and then complain about the glare
• The middle rows are for cats who want a good view and a good snooze
• The back row is for cats who intend to leave early
• The sofa at the side is for the director, and for whoever arrived first

Will there be snacks?

There will be snacks. They will be fish, mostly, with a few biscuits for the dogs. There will also be popcorn, which is for throwing.

Can I bring a guest?

You may bring one guest. If your guest is a dog, you must also bring an apology.

How long is the film?

Three hours, forty minutes, with an intermission. There is no interval between the intermission and the nap that follows.

What is the film about?

The film is about a cat on a sofa. It is a story of loss, love, and the slow passage of the sun across a cushion. It is very moving, especially at the end, when the cat moves.

Will there be a Q and A?

Yes, immediately after the screening. The director will answer questions from the audience, in the form of a slow blink. If you have a question, raise a paw. If you have an answer, please do not.

What if I do not like the film?

Please do not tell us. Please tell the critic, Mr. Hiss, who will agree with you.

Furlough Film Studio is a fictional company. This premiere is imaginary, and you are very welcome to attend.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Furlough Film Studio today announced the production of Another Long Nap, the sequel to its critically ignored debut The Long Nap. The new film will once again be shot entirely from the sofa, and will once again star a cat lying down.

“Audiences love a sequel,” said founder Orson Whiskerton, from a position of near horizontal calm. “They love to see what they have already seen, but with a slightly better view. In Another Long Nap, the cat will lie on the left cushion instead of the right. We believe this is the biggest creative risk in the history of motion pictures.”

What is new

• A new cushion, wider and better stuffed
• A second sunbeam, which arrives at 2 PM and is expected to steal the show
• A cameo by the vacuum cleaner, now with its own agent
• A brief scene in which the cat considers moving, then decides against it
• A longer running time of three hours and forty minutes, including intermission

Returning cast

Orson’s lead actor, a mysterious grey cat known only as “The Lump”, returns to the role of the cat. His rate is one tin per scene, and one extra for the nap. His agent, a small energetic cat named Biscuit, has described the actor as “committed to stillness in a way that frightens me.”

Production notes

Principal photography will begin as soon as the sunbeam arrives and conclude when it leaves. Filming will take place in a single afternoon, or a single week, depending on whether anyone remembers to press record.

Producer Fluffy Coppola said the budget had been raised by thirty percent to account for rising costs. “That is two extra biscuits,” she explained, “and a rug.”

A message from the director

“I am extremely excited to bring this story back to the screen,” said Orson. “I am equally excited to lie on a sofa and watch it be made. I should add that I have not read the script, because there is no script, and because I have lost the pen.”

About Furlough Film Studio

Furlough Film Studio is a fictional cinema company producing epic films from the comfort of the sofa. Our motto is “Epic cinema, shot entirely from the sofa.” Our films have won no awards, and we are very proud of that.

Press enquiries should be sent to Biscuit, who will respond if the question contains fish.

Every film starts with an idea. Ours began with a cushion. This is the story of how our board came to approve The Long Nap, a three hour epic in which a cat falls asleep on a sofa and wakes up in a slightly different position.

The room

The meeting was held in the Boardroom, which is also the Sofa. Present were our founder and director Orson Whiskerton, a stately tabby with an air of tired genius; producer Fluffy Coppola, a cream Persian who asks few questions and eats the answers; and Gaffer Gary, a black cat in charge of the sunbeam, who attended from the windowsill.

The pitch

Orson began by laying out his vision. “The film opens on a sofa,” he said. “Nothing happens for ten minutes. Then a cat arrives. The cat turns around three times. The cat lies down. We hold on the cat for the next two hours and forty minutes.”

There was a long silence. It was the silence of a room full of professionals who had seen something very similar before and wanted to see it again.

Objections

Fluffy Coppola raised several concerns.

• Would there be a plot? Orson said the plot was the sofa.
• Would there be a villain? Orson said the villain was the vacuum cleaner, which would appear in a single frame near the end and be hissed at.
• Would there be a love story? Orson said the love story was between the cat and the warm patch.
• Would there be a soundtrack? Orson said there would be purring, mixed at seventy decibels.

The vote

The motion to approve was carried by a majority of two to nothing, with one abstention from Gaffer Gary, who had gone to sleep during the second hour of the vote.

Budget

The film was budgeted at twelve tins of fish and a decent cushion. The cushion was eventually supplied by the director himself, who has stated that he will not be paid and will not be moved.

Why we believe in it

The Long Nap is not a story about sleep. It is a story about what happens when we stop trying to do anything at all. We believe audiences everywhere, and especially those of the cat variety, will understand it instinctively.

Furlough Film Studio is a fictional production company shooting entirely from the sofa. No actual films are produced and no actual cushions were harmed in the making of this meeting.