There is a chair on every film set. It has a canvas back, a folding frame, and the director’s name on it in large letters. At Furlough Film Studio this chair is the most contested object in the building, and it has never once been used by a director.
The history of the chair
The chair arrived in our office on the first day of production, a gift from a supplier who wished us well. Orson Whiskerton, our founder, approached it with great ceremony. He walked around it twice. He sniffed the seat. He climbed in. Within four minutes he was asleep, and a new tradition was born.
Why cats love it
There are several reasons why cats are drawn to the director’s chair.
- It is raised off the floor, offering a view of the entire set
- It is slightly unsteady, which is exciting
- It carries the scent of authority, which is mainly Orson
- It is canvas, which is excellent for kneading
- It has a name on it, and a cat enjoys being mistaken for someone important
The rules
To avoid conflict, we have introduced a set of rules.
1. The chair belongs to whoever is in it
2. A cat that leaves the chair for any reason loses the chair
3. A cat that returns to the chair finds another cat in it
4. This is the director’s fault
Directing from the chair
On the rare occasions when a decision is required, Orson gives his orders from the chair. These are usually delivered in the form of a slow blink, which the crew interprets as “carry on.” Some interpret it as “I have no idea.” Both are valid readings of the situation.
A day in the life
At 6 AM the chair is empty. At 6:05, Gaffer Gary is in it. At 6:30, Fluffy Coppola has pushed him out and taken the seat. At 8, the whole crew is gathered around, waiting for a decision, and the chair holds two cats and a sleeping hat.
What the chair teaches us
The director’s chair teaches us that authority is not a position but a posture. It is the manner in which you sit, the angle of your tail, and the firmness with which you refuse to be moved. By this measure, every cat in the studio is a director, and none of them is making a film.
Furlough Film Studio is a fictional company. The chair is real, in that it exists in our imagination and sags in the middle.